Same old brand new you

If this thought come across my mind "I think i need a new blog layout" 

It's highly possible that i could get down to it start looking for blogskin and change it without a night. 

and 

If i think that i need a new hairstyle, i could just visit saloon tml and get a hair do. 

but when u wan to unroot something that has always been there, it's not an overnight thing. 

固执算不算任性的要求

付出也可能看不到结果 终于你还是选择了放手

用逃避 让感情犯错 

If people out there still doesnt know me that why, you probably does know that i love to keep old stuffs as remembrance to my past. 

if you do step into my house and been given a close tour to my house, u will find that i have my primary text books from Brunei, Primary 4 5 6 Science Text Books, piles and piles of papers that i have collected since form 1? 

To many many, this might be rubbish or something that not worth keeping, but to me, it sort of tells me how far i have come, things i have gone thru, memories that follows with it. Now it makes it clear why i have always love sciences. Not that my businesses not good or that my managment not good, fyi i do scored in my Managment first year and during pre U days but i guess i just have been fancied science even since young, this has been my passion. But where is the passion now? 

Besides all these, i skip keep many things, believe it or not, if you have once send me a card in standard 6 or form 1, there are chances that im still having it. 

If you given me a bookmark as high school graduation gift, it's still with me (HX!) or just a plain gift (Farah - Pre departure gift, Kimberly- a bookmark with a cheering up pharse, Carmen- 21st bday present)

If you went to holiday and brought me home a key chain, chances are it's now hanging under my bed. (CY- from many parts of the world, CW- Korea, Sue May- UK, PC- Australia, Leng- Lego, yUn- China) 

If you have given me a present, chances are the wrapper is still here! Dont be surprised (Oh i dun think i can name specifically which one belongs to who). 

If you are looking for the name list from form 3, it's still in my file. 

If you are looking for SPM paper for 2003, i have the whole set with me here. 

Gift from ex-gf can still be found in my house, that might not be fair to any girl that im dating but yes, that's my past and i do hope whoever it is to be able to accept it.

If you are looking for those pocket photo we took from those machince back in secondary, it's stil safely kept in my cupboard. (Imm wurn... Carmen, CL, PChew) 

Well and of coz, if u have given me a present for it be birthday or not, of coz u expect me to keep it rite and well why not of all things?   

Now that is all said and done

I cant believe you are the one 

to build me up and tear me down

So what does it sum up about me? 

Im a dead loser? 

Im a person who goes for sentimental value? 

Im a junker? 

Im a person who cant let go of the past? 

Loser, if you think i am, so are you. 

Sentimental value, it does means alot to me, how can a person live without feelings

Junk collector, it could be junk to you, but it does means something to me. 

Cant let go of the past? I dun think so, it's just that, im build from the past, what i am today has to be all this things that have shaped and moulded the me today. 

Im all out of love, 

Im so lost without you, 

I know you were right, 

believing for so long

What are you thinking now 

What are you thinking now? 

Besides that, i love "medals" or "souvenirs" or "trophy" in things i have achieved. I'm like Voldermort if you do read Harry Potter and the half blood prince, you will know what im talking about. 

I know that material things are not important. Is what you gain that counts. but maybe im someone that has to see with my eyes. 

I have certificates, to remind me of my achievment and what i could do and the times i have done it. 

I have sports medal that tell me that even though im not very good but i was still good enough to have one. 

I have all sorts of "backstage passes"- Meetings with YAB Deputy Prime Minister, Participation in forum, seminar, classes etc 

I have plenty of button pin, name tags, badges... that's wat i have earned.  

Cause you're everywhere to me

when I close my eyes, its you I see

everything that I know makes me believe Im not alone 

So, what is so bad about it? When u play games, when u achieve something, it gives u badges, rewards and etc, rite? it makes you happy because you will smile on the hard work you have put in to get that and it makes u feels like u have achieved something. 

i guess that's wat all these stuffs have does the same. 

But now, all these means very little to me, somehow. It tells me what i can do, it tells me what i have achieved, it tells me how hard the journey had been, it tells me that i have been thru hard times as well. But without my own faith, own believe, own confident, all these seems nothing. 

So, mayb i should conclude that, all these time, these medal, trophy and stuffs, is just a reinforcement on to my already-confident self. 

I dont deny that when im a bit down, i go thru them and i found back the "ummph" but mayb because i had yet to lose myself, i have yet to lose confidence in myself, unlike the time now. 

Therefore, i would have to seek you, my confident. 

"Shall we talk? " I hope that you have been well and strong as well. I miss you, lots.

i do wonder, if i will come across your mind when you are all alone?